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MARCH 6 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : CURSE OF THE CANNIBAL CONFEDERATES (1982)

If you ever had the displeasure to sit through that abortion of a film called NIGHT OF HORROR (1978), be prepared for another extremely painful blow to your birth canal as this film uses the same plot, stars and director. If you can't get it right the first time, fail miserably again and torture the audience. Six aggravating people, including a blind Japanese girl (Mimi Ishikawa), go on a camping/hunting trip (complete with rifles with exploding bullets) and run into the reanimated corpses of a Confederate outfit hungry for the taste of Nothern flesh. When one of the men finds a chest with an old Confederate diary in it, he steals it and the dead rise looking to get it back. That's the whole film, folks. The majority of the running time is spent on long boring stretches of people walking through the woods, bad actors screaming their lines at each other and zombies in bad makeup walking drunkenly through the woods (their faces are either covered-up in cheap latex masks or greasepaint, but their hands are normal). By the look of the hairstlyes and clothing on view, this film (originally titled CURSE OF THE SCREAMING DEAD) looks to have been filmed at least five years prior to the end credits production date of 1982. Either that or Maryland (where this film was lensed) doesn't have a dress code. Director Tony Malanowski ups the gore quotient from his previous film (which had zero gore), but it is so amateurish (dig those exploding head effects!) and comes so late into the film, you'll probably be asleep or turned it off long before you get to it. The night scenes are so dark that it's hard to make out what's going on and, since a good 50% of the film takes place at night, that can't be a good thing (or could it?). Wait until you hear the line where one of the guys tries to rationalize how it is easier for the blind girl to travel at night than in the day time! And pay close attention to the scene where the cop is talking on his two-way radio in his patrol car. It's a comedy classic of bad timing in the making. I also love the way the zombies manage to pull out pieces of flesh from an untorn shirt. There are so many laughable moments (including a toy car on fire), that one could view this as an unintentional comedy if it weren't so damned boring. This is strictly amateur hour stuff. I've passed gas that has had more personality than this film. Death row inmates should ask to watch this film as their last request because it is the longest 88 minutes they will ever sit through. Starring Steve Sandkuhler, Rebecca Bach (both also starred in NIGHT OF HORROR), Christopher Gummer, Judy Dixon, Mark Redfield, Jim Ball and Bump Roberts. A Troma Team Release. Distributed on DVD by BCI as part of TOXIE'S TRIPLE TERROR VOL. 1 three disc set. Not Rated. { text from critcononline.com }