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JUNE 11 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : INFRA MAN
FROM BADMOVIES.ORG
The Characters:
- Infra-Man - Originally a man named Rayma, he has been imbued with amazing powers. In fact HE IS POWER! (Hehehehe!)
- Professor Chan - Brilliant scientist who created the Infra-Man, I think he looks like a Chinese version of Colonel Sanders.
- Chu Ming - Once Rayma's friend, now brainwashed and an agent for evil. Presumed dead after taking a lava bath.
- The Octopus Mutant - Tentacled beast which can shoot an explosive fluid and teleport. Turned into calamari by our hero.
- The Laser Horn Monster - Imagine if Rapunzel lived to be seventy and had about that many cats, this is what she would look like. Ends up sleeping with the fishes.
- The Giant Beetle Monster - Normally just a "Big Beetle Monster," he can increase his size to cause more damage. Squashed by Infra-Man.
- The Driller Beast - Equipped with a powerful drill on one arm, but no match for Infra-Man's rocket kick attack.
- The Emperor of Doom - Scaly freak with red horns and mustache, he can spit fire and hide within solid rock. Unfortunately he is hiding inside a wall that Infra-Man kicks through.
- The Iron Fist Robots - Twin constructs whose heads and spiked fists are deadly weapons (they're attached to the body with an industrial strength slinky). Disassembled by Infra-Man.
- Princess Dragon Mom - Pound for pound you just can't beat a Chinese woman with bleached hair and a whip as the villain. Add the ability to transform into a flying lizard and I get all warm inside.
- She-Demon - Administrative assistant for evil, she has eyes in the palms of her hands. I can think of several reasons not to want a point of view from that perspective. Knocked into a pit of lava by Infra-Man.
- Skull Warriors - Hehehehe! People wearing black suits and helmets which have "bones" evident. Now what in the world could a kung fu film need dozens of generic fighters for?
The Plot:
Make sure that you are sitting down for this.
A few years after my birth the Shaw Brothers (patron saints of Hong Kong kung fu flicks) made another movie, it was anything except "just another kung fu film," for they included a generous helping of science fiction. What you end up with is a jaw dropping production involving some guy in a red suit battling dozens of baddies, also dressed in various costumes.
Ultraman and Spectreman can certainly be considered ancestors to the "Power Rangers," but upon seeing this movie you must agree Infra-Man is their father. Of course this would be a very Chinese father for a group of very unChinese kids. Ethnic adultery aside, that is the deal.
You see, after sleeping through the last ice age Princess Dragon Mom wakes up. She is dismayed to find what was once her kingdom is now absolutely infested with humans and sets out to make them her slaves. Lucky for us that Professor Chan just finished developing the Infra-Man and Rayma immediately volunteers to become a super hero worthy of most French fashion shows.
Battling through dozens of monsters with kung fu, laser beams, and explosive kicks is what being Infra-Man is all about. Some of the fight scenes are absolutely priceless and the really fun thing is this: when not destroying stuff the evil mutants all stand around in a room dancing (badly). A careless observer will notice something vaguely *cough* resembling a zipper flap on the back of many foes, this is not what it appears to be. Evolution stuck that there, um, for some reason or another.
My only problem with becoming Infra-Man? That strange sound he makes doing anything, it would be rather disconcerting at times (think "public bathroom").
Things I Learned From This Movie:
- Earthquakes are caused by angry women with bleached hair.
- Scientists have a rank structure, just like the military.
- Having a flashing red light under the diagram you are trying to follow is helpful.
- The Japanese branch of the Hell's Angels just isn't the same.
- Marco Polo was once a pretty dangerous game.
- When Chinese people point it might come across as rude to Americans.
- Never wear a scarf, it just provides a handy object for someone to gag you with.
- Freezer burn greatly impedes on your kung fu.
Stuff To Watch For:
- Opening Credits - I can already tell this is going to be special.
- 3 mins - Why didn't he just back the van up? The city is on fire! What is going on? Help!
- 10 mins - Good job, but there are more dolls to save.
- 26 mins - There is a hole in the seat of his pants.
- 38 mins - That must be one of those "here is what you are looking for" detectors.
- 52 mins - Driller Beast is equipped with those massive claws, why doesn't he just smash up the place?
- 61 mins - Professor Chan spent exactly two minutes bonding with his daughter, what a dad.
- 63 mins - I thought it was "Mount Devil" and not "Mount Demon."
- 88 mins - Repeatedly cutting her head off does not seem to be working. Still, it is a good thing that you are not fighting a hydra.
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