SEPTEMBER 13 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : SLUGS
When you think of slugs, you probably don't immediately think ravenous killers. Well you should, because they will kill you and not even feel bad about it.
Now while we haven't been graced, at this point, with a modern release for Night of the Creeps, I suppose we'll have to solely exist on this slug-based movie. Granted Ænigma had that perverse scene, but with snails not slugs. I mean they branch off at the Order Taxonomic level, there's no comparison.
With the general assumption that slugs aren't the fastest creatures around and are usually just slimy at worst, the movie needs to find ways for the slugs to kill despite those limitations. This is solved by letting the slugs multiply by crazy so they have strength in numbers. Once they get ahold of you, the slime allows for sufficient stickiness to do the job, but still doesn't account for how they get to you in the first place. As it turns out, they're a tricky bunch and will somehow appear in large quantities right where you about about it down, or fall, or begin gardening.
That takes care of all of the dodgy issues surrounding killer slugs, so now we can continue with the movie unencumbered by implausible details. The movie starts off with the killing off of a drunk, who by all movie standards is as expendable as they come. Next they move on to a gardener who gets bitten on his finger, so the only choice is to hack the hand off with a hatchet. This doesn't work, so not only does he die, but gets to endure a severed limb in the process. I think later on he explodes, but that might be someone else. In any case I think it's either irrelevent or important to the plot.
As the deaths pile up, the slugs are breeding in the sewers and about to reach critical mass. Something has to be done soon, but someone also has to find out about them too, which still hasn't happened. But after one snaps at a guy in his front garden, they start connecting the faceless victims with the rogue slugs. A local scientist does some experiments involving dissection and using a microscope, then decides that burning/exploding them will probably be the best way to deal with them.
As far as 80's creepy crawly movies go, this one is good. Cheesy of course, but a serious movie about killer slugs just would fall pretty flat. I think the snail biting scene pretty much sold me, but it doesn't take a whole lot.
SEPTEMBER 13 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : SLUGS
In a rare move of almost unparallelled genius, the name of the best actor is given in the title itself. Yep, it's the slugs, they upstage everyone else. None of the humans do much more than read a monotone from the script and try to look stressed whilst the slugs go about their business of munching on the locals of a small town.
Perhaps most distinguished by the hamster scene, or the poor fucker in a restaurant enjoying the brain busting aftermath of a slug sandwich, it's a film that at least managed to deliver upon some fun moments in amongst the clumsy direction and wooden characters. Slugs don't quite possess that innate scare factor of say snakes or spiders, but they do at least have that ability to make most of us recoil with a yuk instead of a yelp of fear. They're a pretty good pick for a horror movie baddy, a writhing mass of black slimy death is somewhat disgusting.
Following very much the standard and formulaic fare of menace threatens town, only a couple insightful people see the truth and have to battle against disbelief and general idiocy to save the day, it also falls victim to the awkwardness and implausability which afflicts such movies. I may have been drunk, but I'm sure at one point I heard the sheriff blame a mutilated corpse on angry racoons! Still, the gore is bright and red, not looking too bad in many places, and it's not a total duffer that'll leave you wishing you'd watched something else.
Based upon a novel by Shaun Hutson - great novel, check out this and his other works, especially "Spawn" and "Erebus" if you haven't already - this film doesn't even come close to doing it justice. Yeah, it's somewhat entertaining, there are a few fun scenes, but it's hamstrung by clumsiness. Worth a watch, you might even find yourself checking the lettuce for unwelcome guests afterwards, but don't expect anything great. And, don't forget to read the book as well, it's way better.
SEPTEMBER 13 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : SLUGS
I decided to go digging through my VHS collection looking for some 80s goodness and found the memorable “Slugs” horror movie from 1988. I’m an easy mark for those killer animal attack flicks!
I have the old clamshell VHS case with the cut box in it, which takes away from the colorful artwork. On the front of the box it says, “They Slime. They Ooze. They Kill.” Now if a tagline like that does not pull me in to watch it, then maybe nothing will.
This wonderful motion picture was distributed by New World Video and has a pretty girl laying dead on the floor with a bloody slug coming from her mouth.
On the VHS tape it has a blue sticker and I am sure many of us who rented from Blockbuster back in the late 80s will remember this particular sticker. The blue Blockbuster video sticker says, “To PLAY is human, To REWIND is divine!” Don’t you just miss those stickers?
Unfortunately, the Blockbuster in Dunkirk, NY is closing down thanks to Family Video, which is located not to far away in the Dunkirk Plaza close to Big Lots. By the way, Big Lots has a great selection of DVDs for $3 to $6 dollars in Dunkirk, NY, so you may want to check it out!
Now back to the Slugs horror movie review. Unusually large slugs in the garden are the first sign that this movie is going to be another gem of the late 80s. This fun filled family movie will bring you partially eaten corpses, so please don’t eat any chili dogs before watching this film.
The ghastly death of a young couple in the midst of thousands of slime trails can only mean one thing, “Slugs!” Yes friends, carnivorous slugs are killing the people of Ashton! An investigation by Health Inspector Mike Brady yields startling results, that could make the Pope kick out a stained-glass window.
Long buried toxic waste is causing a mutation in common garden slugs, turning them into a rapidly growing population of man eating monsters. And if Brady’s theory holds up, it is only a matter of time before Ashton is completely consumed by the slimy horde. With time running out, and with no help from the skeptical authorities, Mike takes matters into his own hands. Armed with a special toxin, he struggles in a desperate, last-ditch effort to save Ashton from a slime wasteland!
This is the perfect horror movie to watch on a Friday night with your friends or neighbors. Why should you get your hands on this VHS tape? Because it delivers an exciting pace, realistic looking special effects, and thrills you haven’t had since your first dating experience! This really is one of the great killer creature attack movies of the 80s, so break your piggy bank and buy this one today, if you can find it.
SEPTEMBER 13 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : MISFITS OF SCIENCE
Misfits of Science is an American superhero fantasy television series that aired on NBC from October 1985 to February 1986. It featured a cast of super-powered humans and their madcap adventures. A double-length pilot and 15 additional episodes were created; however one episode was yet to be broadcast when the show was cancelled due to low ratings (due to fierce competition from CBS's Top 10 hit Dallas)
In France, the series was known as Superminds, and in Germany as Die Spezialisten unterwegs (The Specialists on Their Way).
The name 'Misfits of Science' (and other conceptual ideas) was the brainchild of the then president of NBC Entertainment, Brandon Tartikoff.
Cast and characters
- Dean Paul Martin as Dr. Billy Hayes – the non-powered yet undisputed leader of this misfit team. Billy is a young research scientist at the Humanidyne Institute who specializes in "human anomalies" and a fast-talking but good-hearted schemer full of boyish enthusiasm who often gets the team into as much trouble as he gets them out of. Although easily distracted whenever an attractive woman walks by, he is honestly interested in getting involved in a serious relationship with Jane Miller even after she showed up pregnant by another man.
- Kevin Peter Hall as Dr. Elvin "El" Lincoln – Billy's colleague and close friend. El is a towering man who gives himself the ability to shrink for minutes at a time from his height of seven-foot-four to eleven inches via hormonal treatments which he activates by pressing a nerve on the back of his neck. A recurring joke after such transformations is that he always has to put on the tiny change of clothes he carries with him for his small size. The character is shy and struggles socially, and despite being so tall he is a poor basketball player.
- Mark Thomas Miller as Johnny "Johnny B" Bukowski – a rock and roll musician who was electrocuted on stage, thus giving him formidable electrical powers. He wears sunglasses because his eyes glowed when he is fully charged, he can hurl lightning bolts and run at superhuman speed, easily outracing in one episode a parody of the Six Million Dollar Man, but he is vulnerable to water which short-circuited him and burns his flesh. He is a big Chuck Berry fan, in the pilot singing "Johnny B. Goode" when he goes into battle.
- Courteney Cox as Gloria Dinallo – a troubled telekinetic teen with a history of juvenile delinquency and a mother in a mental institution who claims Gloria's father is from outer space. She has a major crush on Johnny.
- Diane Civita as Miss Nance – the scientists' secretary who, although she usually seems more interested in doing her nails, going on her coffee break and watching her soap operas, is actually the one who keeps their department running and is always there at the end of the show to turn off the lights and say good-night to the bunnies in their cages.
- Jennifer Holmes as Jane Miller – Gloria's probation officer. Although attracted to Billy, she is often put off by his eccentric behavior. Her character appears only in the earlier episodes.
- Max Wright as Dick Stetmeyer – the uptight director of the Humanidyne Institute. Unlike the other cast members, he is not actually considered to be one of the Misfits.
- Mickey Jones as Arnold "Beef"/"Ice Man" Beifneiter – got his power to freeze anything he touches from placing himself in an experimental cryogenic suspended animation unit back in 1937 due to grief caused by the loss of his beloved Amelia Earhart. The team drives around in an ice cream truck because the lumbering and now rather simpleminded Ice Man dies if he gets too warm, so they keep him in the freezer. Beef only appears in the pilot episode due to legal objections from Marvel Comics who published a similar character in X-Men, but the characters continue to use the ice cream truck.