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OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From goregirl.wordpress.com

“They charge an arm and a leg!”

Wow! What an insanely low IMDB rating this film has! What the hell do you want from a flick called ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’?! It delivers what its title promises, chainsaws and hookers! Granted, there could have been more gore, lot’s more gore, but clearly the film is meant to be comedy first. It is jam-packed with one-liners and site gags and the finale featuring the virgin dance of the double chainsaws is not to be missed!

Jack Chandler is a private eye hired to find runaway Samantha. He tracks her down only to discover she has become involved with a cult. Not just any cult, but the ancient Egyptian chainsaw cult whose followers consist of a group of prostitutes who cut up their johns with the sacred device in the name of their god.

This film is big time campy. It’s a bawdy low budget spoof of film-noir with a sprinkling of Texas Chainsaw Massacre thrown in for good measure. It’s fun that they include Gunnar Hansen as the cults leader. Who would know more about chainsaws than leatherface? Hansen doesn’t have a lot of dialog, but he is a part of one of my favourite exchanges in the film. When Jack points out to the leader that there were no chainsaws in ancient Egypt one of his followers chimes “But what about the chainsaw of the gods?” Yes, what about the chainsaw of the gods indeed?

We start at the cop shop where a woman in a blonde wig is being interviewed. On the table in front of her sits a chainsaw, the murder weapon she used against her victim. They ask her to explain how the incident went down. But why explain when she can just show them? She makes a brief appearance later in the film and they have her in chains locked up with a giant padlock! Sadly, we don’t get to see blondie go nuts on the cops, but don’t worry the next scene makes up for it! I don’t want to give up all the juicy details but you do get to see Michelle Bauer, who plays Mercedes, naked with chainsaw in hand having fake blood and body parts thrown at her from off-screen. At one point her victims severed hand manages to attach itself to her boob, which she throws aside mildly disgusted. This scene looks cheap and cheesy but none the less amused the hell out of me. When a woman covers her favourite Elvis Presley poster with plastic and puts on a shower cap and then asks you to close your eyes for a surprise…don’t! For godsake don’t close your eyes man! That woman may just happen to have a chainsaw in her dresser drawer! Other notable scenes include a woman in lingerie posing with a baseball bat for a calendar, and of course that awesome finale that features not only the virgin dance of the double chainsaws but a chainsaw dual between the films two babes.

The cast is great. Jay Richardson is perfect as Jack Chandler the quick-witted and mildly sleazy private dick. Linnea Quigley who plays Samantha is one of my favourite scream queens and she is just cute as a damn button in this film. Michelle Bauer really taps into her inner nutcase to play the highly entertaining Mercedes. These two women should have gotten danger pay for this film! Playing with chainsaws naked is just asking for trouble! On the dvd’s special features there are interviews with Quigley, Bauer and Fred Olen Ray where they discuss making ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’. They often had difficulty getting the chainsaws going so they would pre-start them for a scene. In the scene where Samantha is in the sarcophagus just before she is about to do her virgin dance of the double chainsaws she is in the tiny closed space with two loud smoking oily toxic chainsaws revving away. When they open the door she very literally stumbles from the fumes. Linnea is such a pro that she soldiers on stoned from the fumes and still manages to be pretty sexy wielding two heavy awkward chainsaws!

If you’re a horror fan you’ve probably stumbled upon A Fred Olen Ray film. The man has directed a shitload of films and many of them are pretty damn bad. In my opinion ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’ is definitely one of the highlights of his career. The film was made for next to nothing over a period of a few days using borrowed sets including the sarcophagus used in the film ‘Vamp’. The films budget shows, but I don’t think Ray would have it any other way. The film is silly fun. Considering its premise, Ray could have been more over the top with it and more gore would have been nice, but it sure did give me some good laughs and definitely kept me entertained. As an added bonus it has one of the better soundtracks I’ve come upon, particularly for a film from the 1980′s! Good times! Recommended!


OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From oh-the-horror.com

They charge an arm and a leg!

The 80's were a great time for horror fans who favored a large helping of cheese with their scares. At one point it appeared that the sex comedy and the horror film merged creating such gems as The Slumber Party Massacre and Frankenhooker. Even popular straight slashers like Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street ascended to either goofy one liners or cheesy and ridiculous kills as their sequels progressed. Even with the fromage piled on, these films turned a profit for their distributors. It also seemed the more goofier and sexier you're movie's title the more those video tapes were flying off the shelves. And as you're walking through a video store how the hell can you pass up a film featuring a buxom babe on the cover holding a chainsaw? Three words: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers.

In Hollywood it appears hookers are hacking up horny men with chainsaws left and right. Detective Jack Chandler (Jay Richardson) is on the case of trying to track down a missing teenager (Linnea Quigley) whom he suspects is caught up in the middle of the unsolved murders. Upon finding a bloodied strip club matchbook, Jack goes undercover and stakes out the club where he meets Mercedes (Michelle Bauer), one of the chainsaw-happy hookers. Before Jack realizes she's one of them, and that there's more than one, it's too late. Plunged into the dark underground of the Hollywood strip, Jack discovers the murders are linked to a religious cult headed by a chainsaw-worshipping madman (Gunner Hansen) and his cult of deadly beauties. Now he'll have to carve his way out of this mess, and rescue the missing girl, before he loses his limbs. Beware the busty babes, beware the religious fanatics, and most of all beware the Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws!

I had a lot of fun watching Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. It's face paced, considering it's only 72 minutes long, and there's never a dull moment. There's plenty of blood, babes, chainsaws, and copious amounts of nudity to make this one of the better B-movies to come out in the late 80's. Fred Olen Ray mixes a lot of humour in with the horror and I was constantly cracking up during Jay Richardson's screen time as the private detective. Often his character is narrating the film in the tone of 40's/50's detective noir serials. Personally, I thought that it was a great touch and really worked for the overall story structure. The film really felt like a cross between those bikini beach babe flicks and a detective noir mystery. Throw in some chainsaws and some blood and you got a cocktail sure to knock you out. The writing is sharp, the acting is pretty decent for how low budget the film is, and the gore is pretty gruesome, if not at least comical. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is a near perfect drive-in/grindhouse horror comedy.

Shot for only a little over $50,000 and in only 5 days, Fred Olen Ray got a whole helluva lot of bang for his buck. Fred Olen Ray has made some bad horror films before, but he's also keen to show you that if you don't have a lot of money you can still get good talent, write a fun script, and be creative to make that budget look bigger than it is. And if you've got a title like Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers that also helps. Some of the set-pieces were shot in the actual production offices since they had limited cash and the Aztec-like temple of the chainsaw worshippers was built from left over sets from the William Katt horror comedy House. As a horror comedy the gore gags are over the top. In one of the opening scenes, Mercedes strips down completely nude except for a shower cap and covers her Elvis portrait hanging on the wall in plastic before hacking up the john she took back to the motel. Limbs fly and blood sprays out all over the place in a very cartoon-esque manner. But just like Friday the 13th, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is sending a message to it's audience: practice safe sex. If hookers with chainsaws isn't a bold enough image to suggest that, I don't know what is! And as noted by Linnea Quigley in numerous interviews, all the chainsaws were real! Sure, they may have changed the chain to a felt rope in some scenes for safety, but all the exhaust fumes are authentic.

Retromedia, Fred's personal company, re-released the film on DVD recently in a 20th Anniversary Widescreen Edition. Finally the movie comes to DVD 16x9 enhanced! The transfer is not the greatest as it's taken from the only remaining 35mm film print in existence, which happens to be a print that has been screened across numerous theaters and drive-ins. But for this film, I don't consider this to be a downside; sure there's dirt, dust, debris, grain, and scratches all throughout the print, but this only ups the grindhouse factor of the film and really takes you back to the good old drive-in days. There is a real downside to the transfer however, it's got quite a bit of artifacting, especially in the reds. Rounding out the disc as far as extras we get a commentary track featuring Fred and co-writer T.L. Lankford, a 'making of' featurette, and the original theatrical trailer. I really enjoyed the 'making of' and we get interviews from Fred, Linnea, and Michelle Bauer discussing how this low budget flick became a very successful cult B-movie.

If you're a fan of B-movie horror comedies, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers will be right up your alley. 72 exhaust-filled minutes of chainsaw hookers, gum shoes, religious madmen, boobs, blood, and even more boobs will satisfy all your cravings. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers made me feel like I was 12 again, where you'd go to the video store and rent the most ridiculous movies you could find based on the cover or title alone, and sometimes you'd find a real gem. I can gladly say I've added this to my collection and I can see myself revisiting more often than a lot of movies just because it's so much fun. So what are you waiting for? Grab a copy of this movie and get your chainsaw a-buzzing!


OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From brutalashell.com

At first glance HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (HCH) appears to be nothing more than another bad movie with an absurd title. If you happen to be of this opinion, you are correct in your assumption and I’m forced to agree, to a certain extent. But, there is more to this film than just a dumb fucking name, with some bimbos tacked on to it like flypaper. This is a fighter, a survivor. It has stood the test of time.  It deserves some fuckin’ respect and I am going to explain why, even though, at times, it will sound like I am slamming, not championing it. This is a bad film which prides itself on its badness, making it bad ass in the coolest possible way!

 HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS is a niche film; it isn’t for everybody. This being been said, I urge you to proceed with caution.

HCH comes straight from the strange world-of-the-B, where quality is measured, not by sense and good taste, but by the exact opposite. You know if you’re one of us, the purveyors of the putrid. Don’t worry; it’s OK if you don’t want to come out of the closet. It can be hard to admit to your peers that you’re different, that you like different things. You feel dirty or wrong, maybe even ashamed; it’s ok to feel the way you do. You aren’t wrong; you’re just different, born with mutant genes that cause you to champion the bad, for its righteousness……”These people can’t act! Isn’t that cool! Yes Sir, I think it is!”

 Twenty years ago Fred Olen Ray unleashed HCH on an unsuspecting public and fans of trash cinema responded with open arms and hairy palms. Fred delivered a virtual boobtopia of topless B-queens, including

Michele Bauer, Linnea Quigley, and Dawn Wildsmith, strutting their shit with authority. Its reputation preceded it even though it was hard to come by, due to poor distribution. The faithful found copies and its legend began to grow.

 The problem with legends is they are often amplified by the rumor mill until they are built up far beyond the actual reality of what they are: low-grade tit shows.  This one is not an example of that. HCH has a style that sets it apart from the crowd. There may be better bad films out there, but this film is kind of special. It deserved re-release. In fact it’s safe to say, that as long as movies like this continue to get attention, there just might be hope for humanity yet!

 Like a classic 40’s noir film HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS opens with the introduction of ‘Jack Chandler’ (Jay Richardson). Jack, in voiceover, tells us about his latest case. Chandler is a dick, and “the thing about being a dick is that it is a twenty-four-hour-a-day job”. He has been hired to locate a missing girl ‘Samantha’ (Linnea Quigley) who has disappeared somewhere in Hollywood. While searching for clues, he runs afoul of a chainsaw-worshipping cult of (usually topless!) prostitutes who creatively service their johns with a saw. Believing Samantha to be involved with this cult, Chandler puts his ass on the line looking for a “date”. 

 Stand proud and defiant like a monkey masturbating in a zoo, you have no reason to be ashamed if you, like I myself, sat and giggled at the jiggles. This film is gloriously stupid, but features surprisingly clever dialogue and some genuinely likable characters. Jay Richardson is particularly effective as deadpan “dick” Chandler and when Michele Bauer doffs her duds and dons a shower cap to fire up the saw, well my friend that is how B- movie history is made.  

 HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS is a tit show, it has the requisite flesh, delivered on a bed of inspired tongue-and-cheek humor, which makes the talking heads between naked chicks fly by! Pull up your pants, grab the car keys and go get yourself a copy of this film.


OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From moviesmademe.com

Today's film is a release that has taken some unfair criticism over the years - I've read reviews that say that it's "too cheesy", "too reliant on T&A", and of course, "the gore is extremely fake." To that, I reply: "Well, duh." Let's be real here... this is a movie directed by the master of cheese and titillation in one Fred Olen Ray, it features scream queens Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer in the leading roles, and let's not overlook the "you get what you pay for" title of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. With all of those things in mind, did anyone truly pick up a copy of this release with expectations of a horror classic? I should hope not, because that's not what you get; what you do get is a cheesy slice of slasher history that is damned fun to watch.

We begin with an introduction to Jack Chandler (Jay Richardson), a private dick who has taken what should have been a fairly routine case: find a runaway teenager who chose the glamour of the big city over getting "bounced on the wrong knee" of her stepfather on a nightly basis. He eventually finds the girl, Samantha (Linnea Quigley), but he also finds out what she's been up to: she's involved with a cult of chainsaw-worshiping lunatics led by a man credited only as "The Stranger" (Gunnar Hansen), a man who uses the sex appeal of his commander-in-chief Mercedes (Michelle Bauer) and countless other prostitutes to lure men into the waiting blades of a chainsaw. I think it should go without saying that getting on their bad side is a very bad idea, and that is exactly what Jack has done by sticking his nose where it didn't belong.

As you could probably tell by that synopsis, the plot is fairly thin and serves only to get us from one sex scene to the next chainsaw dismemberment; however, there's actually more depth here than what I had given it credit for going into it. It's not Shakespeare, of course, but going by b-movie standards, it's certainly deeper than it had any right to be. As an added bonus, the storyline itself is actually fairly interesting in a campy sort of way, even when we're not being assaulted with violence and gratuitous nudity (not that there's anything wrong with either of those). Besides, who can pass up watching a young Linnea Quigley, clad only in a thong and some body paint, performing "The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws"? How about Michelle Bauer, clad only in a shower cap and a demented smile, going to work on an unlucky John with a chainsaw while an Elvis song blares in the background and the King himself watches on through the oily eyes of a plastic-coated painting? Here's a hint: those two scenes are worth the cost of the DVD alone.

On the acting side of things, I was once again surprised by some above-average efforts. Now, before I continue, I should point out that I'm judging this cast based on b-horror standards, not by those set forth by dramas and intense character studies - you're not going to get that here, and you should be ashamed of yourself if that expectation even crossed your mind. Jay Richardson is great in the leading role and plays the sleazy, wisecracking dick to perfection (and if you think the obvious "dick" jokes were lost on the filmmakers, think again), both Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer were obviously having fun with their roles in true scream queen fashion, and of course, we have Gunnar Hansen who... well, three out of four isn't bad. I love Gunnar as much as the next horror geek, but his performance here was downright dreadful, even if it was fun watching him rev up the chainsaw once again.

How about "the good stuff"? When it comes to T&A, one only has to look down the roster of who appeared in front of the camera and pick out the female names; with the exception of a few extras, all of them provided the goods in terms of skin, flesh, and jiggling boobies. Oh, and did I mention "The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws"? The gore isn't on par with the effects found in today's crop of torture porn releases, but it was perfectly acceptable for a horror flick with plenty of comedic undertones, and... well, did I mention that scene with Michelle Bauer, a chainsaw, and an Elvis painting?

Overall, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is a film that offers nothing more than what the title implies: campy fun, over-the-top violence that could only have sprung from the loins of the eighties, and of course, plenty of T&A. It's true that it doesn't deliver any more than that, but sometimes, that's all you need for an entertaining eighty minutes in front of the tube. 8/10.


OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From blogcritics.org

Look at a title like Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers and you pretty much know what you're gonna get: buxom starlets, severed limbs, a shoestring budget and plenty of intentional and/or unintentional camp. The creation of fecund exploitation moviemaker wrestler Fred Olen Ray, Hookers has recently been released in a snappy new 20th anniversary Retromedia DVD edition which advertizes it as "The Original Grindhouse Classic." Despite the Grindhouse appellation, this flick has no legit connection to the Tarantino/Rodriguez camp, though Fred does tack the same cheesy retro "Feature Presentation" opener before his flick that appeared with Death Proof and Planet Terror. Vaguely dishonest? Sure. Well in keeping with the dictates of z-movie hucksterism? Also, sure.

Ray's movie concerns an unshaven "private dick" named Jack Chandler (Jay Richardson) who is hired to find an Oxnard runaway named Samantha (scream queen Linnea Quigley) on the streets of L.A. Sam, it turns out, has hooked up with a chainsaw-wielding cult of streetwalkers led by burly Gunnar Hansen (the original Leatherface – much less creepy as an Anubis-worshipping high priest than he is squealing like a pig). Though our wisecracking narrator Chandler points out the movie's core absurdity – the fact that a self-described "ancient" cult would utilize modern chainsaws ("Who do you pray to? Black and Decker?") – the movie blithely refuses to cobble together even a flimsy defense of itself. Forget it, Jack, it's just Los Angeles.

The whole nonsensical shmear ends in a seedy warehouse temple where we get to watch a drugged-out body-painted Quigley dance the Virgin (hah!) Dance of the Double Chainsaws, then duel the cult's high priestess with one of the saws. To those who recall Miz Q.'s memorable topless graveyard dance in Return of the Living Dead, the dance is a bit of a letdown, but, then, it's hard to move sensually when you've got a heavy power tool in both hands. Ray ends his flick leaving room for a sequel, but to the best of my knowledge he never followed up on this. Guess he said all he had to in the first 'un.


OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From ghoulbasement.com

The more I dig around to find details on this VHS of Fred Olen Ray's career masterstroke, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, the odder it becomes. Midnite Movies released tapes in the Netherlands that found their way throughout Europe. The Abomination was catalog #MM01 and Ozone: Attack of the Redneck Zombies was #MM02. This tape is "MM003" (extra zero?); the only problem is there's no dual Dutch/English text on the back (just English), no ratings stickers, and the tape is NTSC (or playable in North American decks).

The large clamshell coverart actually resembles the British Colourbox clamshell art, seen here at VideoCollector.uk, with many subtle differences. The back has the most interesting alterations. The box with the BBFC18 rating instead has Midnite Movies' howling wolf logo. The Colourbox square logo to that box's right is missing. The copyright information in the bottom right hand on the Midnite Movies edition corner lacks Fred Olen Ray's name after "COPYRIGHT © 1988". The Colourbox has a "PACKAGING COPYRIGHT" of 1988 while the MM states 1992.

Otherwise, the MM back is identical save for "Special Uncut Edition" in pink replacing "Colourbox Presents..." across the top edge. Also the UK VHS as well as Camp Motion Picture's 1988 US VHS begin with "Camp Motion Pictures in Association with..."  before "American-Independent Presents" on the front cover's bottom credits. As you can see, the Camp Motion mention is completely absent on this Midnite Movies front cover. Strangely enough the tape opens with their logo just like the official CMP release. I'm only saying this release is Hawaiian because it arrived from an eBay seller based in the sparsely-populated Makawao. Seems funny such a thing would be there of all places to begin with...  

So why no proper scan? The original case had some nasty dried mold which I carefully cleaned from the paper before chucking that case in the trash. The replacement case has a enforced spine making every cover removal risky, it was hard enough inserting, so I'm not going to tempt fate. I have no idea what the deal is on this one's origins, but it's a pretty badass bootleg if that's the case!          

OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From couchpotatomoviereviews.wordpress.com

Back in the 1980’s there were a fair amount of directors and producers that were making over the top films that combined horror and comedy. Between the quickly fading drive-ins looking for more seedy material to keep the kids coming to the Mom and Pop video stores that were desperate for any material to fill their shelves, producers like Roger Corman and Lloyd Kaufman were able to capitalize on this unique time in film making history by filling the void with movies that promised blood, babes, and boobs. There are a few that became classics such as The Toxic Avenger, but many were delegated to the scrap heap known as VHS-only releases. One of those classicks was Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, a gleefully over the top romp of bloodshed and naked ladies that is still a good laugh today.

Jack Chandler (played by Jay Richardson) is a not-so-bright gumshoe detective who has recently been hired by a distraught family to find their runaway daughter Samantha (Linnea Quigley).  Many people have been discovered dismembered in the fair city, so Chandler starts on the hunt expecting the worst. Little does he know that he will fall into the waiting arms of a small band of prostitutes who are members of an ancient Egyptian chainsaw worshipping cult that have been responsible for the trail of blood-drenched carnage. Led by a mysterious man only known as The Stranger (Gunnar Hansen), the cult members decide that Chandler is to be the next sacrifice to their Egyptian god. Samantha also happens to be part of the cult, but her reasons for being there are different than giving homage to Isis.

Yes, the plot is not too intelligent and the production values are pretty limited for its $23,000 budget. However, it is the insane comical nature of the storyline and subsequent script that make Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers a memorable production that has stayed in print for a lot longer than many of its contemporaries. The scene where Mercedes (Michelle Bauer) seduces a military veteran, strips down to the suit God gave her and does a sexy dance while covering up her precious Elvis memorabilia with plastic is strange enough, but when she carves the guy like a Thanksgiving turkey is one of the strangest scenes in cult cinematic history. Another interesting oddity is the “Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws” done by Quigley in which she swings two chainsaws wearing nothing but body paint to the approval of The Stranger and other cult members. There are also plenty of memorable one-liners throughout the film mostly delivered by Richardson in a dry tone, which makes them all the more entertaining. In addition the simple casting of Gunnar Hansen, the original Leatherface in the 1974 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, as the leader of the cult is funny in itself.

Director Fred Olen Ray currently makes sexy vampire movies for Cinemax, but he has also made some quality B-flicks including Scalps, Evil Toons, and the very under rated Deep Space. Nobody will mistake this film for The Shawshank Redemption, but Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers has carved out its own spot in the history of 1980’s cinema. Oh sure it is low budget, but that does not detract from the fact that the script is strangely amusing. The situations throughout Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers are so ridiculous yet enchanting enough that the film does require a viewing by any fan of extreme cinema. This one is not for the people who have a hankering for PG-13 horror movies, so all the kids should leave this one out of their Netflix queues. More mature horror fans looking for a good laugh along with their buckets of blood will find Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers to be an entertaining yet outlandish viewing.

* * * 1/2


OCTOBER 21 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS
From bloodygoodhorror.com

Every time the weather starts to get warm again, I get this sudden insatiable appetite for trashy horror flicks. Who knows what it is. Perhaps it's because the summer and cheesy horror films both make me nostalgic for my childhood, or perhaps it's just that I want to see a whole lot of breasts. Either way, I garnered some mild enjoyment out of "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers", and let me tell you why.

"Hookers" is in many ways played up like a comedic film noir, complete with the gruff Private Eye who sits at his typewriter while he has internal monologues. While attempting to track down a missing girl (Quigley), he runs into a chainsaw wielding cult full of hookers, run (naturally) by Gunnar Hansen (doing the worse impression of an actor he can muster). For me, although the film is pretty campy, and fairly enjoyable, the funniest moments were the occasional witty lines that got spit out during the PI's monologues. One occasion shows him and his girlfriend (naked by the way) having a fight, while the voice over makes it sound like every thing's peachy. I guess you've got to see it to fully understand. A less subtle moment would have to be when he spit out one of my favorite lines, "Being a dick's a 24 hour a day job." It sure is folks, I can attest to that.

The real reason why I would assume most anyone would pick this up however, is probably for the mammary count in the film. And on that count, I have to say that HCH certainly doesn't disappoint. Hell, the introduction alone by director Fred Olen Ray (on the recent DVD release) displayed about 6 breasts that I counted... and even some naked ladies playing twister! In the breasticle department you get the surgically enhanced assets of Michelle Bauer, the perpetually perky teets of Linnea Quigley, and even a few unknown sets of knockers thrown in there for good measure.

Many of the scenes where the girls hack up unsuspecting John's play out like one of those cheesy Playboy videos. You know the ones (even if you won't admit it) where the girls dance around to some cheesy song while naked, but never get around to doing anything we really want to see? Ya, those videos. When they finally get around to killing people, I suppose they should get credit for at least trying. While there's only 1 visibly violent moment in the film, some Production Assistant must have had his hands full dousing these ladies in fake blood while they pretended to be chainsawing some unsuspecting fool. "A" for effort, "F" for effect.

Unfortunately, although I enjoyed the film, it also falls victim to the pitfalls that many similar movies do. Namely, it's not really a porn and it's not really a horror film, so the "blood and boobies" shtick gets old after about 40 minutes. Once you've seen each girl naked once, the subsequent times they get nude cease to be all that exciting (especially since I know every inch of Linnea Quigley's body at this point). Also, as I think back on my viewing experience, I recall almost falling asleep during the "exciting conclusion," and I don't suppose that can be a good sign about the film's quality.

"Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" is low budget all the way. It's got Sparse sets, awful acting, beyond lame story lines, and an overabundance of boobs and blood trying to cover all that up. It's not always the most exciting flick, but does exude it's own unique charm, and it even made me laugh out loud a few times. If you're into this type of thing, this just may be one of those flicks for you to pick up.

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