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APRIL 22 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : BLOODY MOON (1981)

Let me set the record straight before I go any further: I find Jesus Franco (or any of his nearly one hundred pseudonyms) and the vast majority of his films to be nothing more than pretentious arty drivel. I've been told by people much smarter than me that I just don't "get" Franco, but I know what I don't like and I fail to see any social significance in films like THE MAN HUNTER (1980), OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES (1981) or the countless other quickly-assembled pieces of mediocrity that he has been churning out for over 45 years. Sure, some of his earlier films, such as THE AWFUL DR. ORLOFF (1962), THE DIABOLICAL DR. Z (1966) and VENUS IN FURS (1969) were efficient and moody little thrillers, but as he became more experienced behind the camera (especially with the zoom lens), he became less interested in what was in front of it. I enjoy watching a Franco film as much as hammering nails into my scrotum. If that's not clear enough for you, let me make it clearer: I would rather watch the entire libraries of Andy Milligan, Ed Wood and Al Adamson combined than to watch one faux arty Franco flick. Which brings us to BLOODY MOON, Franco's stab at the slasher genre. The opening shots, which are hard camera zooms of the Moon and various extreme close-ups of peoples' faces, followed by a psycho with a burned face donning a Mickey Mouse mask (Where are the Disney lawyers when you need them?) killing a poor young, half-naked girl with a pair of scissors, clue us in what to expect next. Years pass and the killer, Miguel (Alexander Waechter), is released from a mental hospital into the custody of sister Manuela's (Nadja Gerganoff) care. A series of brutal murders begins at the palatial home of Miguel and Manuela's rich aunt (she is burned to death in her bed) and then at Alvaro's (Christoph Moosbrugger) new language school (where Manuela is a student), all coinciding with Miguel's return. The list of red herrings is tremendous, as Alvaro's school isn't financially sound, Manuela was hated by her dead aunt (and her fortune goes to Miguel only) and student Angela (Olivia Pascal) has shown up for classes a week late, but won't tell anyone why. It doesn't help that Miguel (and his deformed face) skulks around the school and the surrounding buildings, especially since one of the buildings is where the poor girl was viciously stabbed years before. It also doesn't help that Miguel and Manuela have been carrying-on an incestuous relationship for many years and she wishes that everyone would "just disappear" so they can't judge their sexy love for each other. When students begin getting murdered by someone wearing black gloves, all evidence points to Miguel, but that would be too easy, right? Eva (Ann-Beate Engelke) is murdered in Angela's bed (a knife is shoved through her back until the blade exits out of one of her nipples), but when Angela brings Antonio (Peter Exacoustos) back to her room to view Eva's body, it has disappeared and everyone thinks she's crazy. Angela gets a threatening tape in Spanish language class where a voice threatens to cut her into pieces with a hacksaw, but when Alvaro listens to the tape, it's nothing but normal class tutorial. Angela searches for Eva's body around town and spots Antonio in a compromising position with Manuela and nearly gets crushed by a giant (obviously paper mache) boulder as well as almost being bitten by a poisonous snake. Angela is convinced that Antonio is trying to kill her, but a retard who has had half his brain removed could see it is someone else. Inga (Jasmin Losensky) is tied to a marble block by the killer and has her head cut off with a rock saw (The film's best scene). A little boy witnesses the murder, but the killer runs him over with a car. After several more close calls on her life, Angela, with the help of Miguel (who get a hairbrush handle shoved through his neck for his trouble), is able to unmask Manuela and Alvaro as the killers, but will she survive the night? There's not much more I can say about this by-the-numbers slasher/giallo film, except that Rayo Casablanco's illiterate screenplay could have been written on a napkin, the English dubbing is horrendous (it's not even lousy enough for a laugh) and Franco's direction is full of his usual weird camera angles (he likes to shoot a lot from overhead here), false scares (yes, a cat does jump into frame to scare our heroine) and zooms galore. There are a few bloody bits of gore, but it's nothing you haven't seen a hundred times before (rock saw decapitation excluded). Even the frequent nudity on display can't save this boring piece of tripe and devout Francophiles list this as one of his minor films, so why should you have to suffer through it? Also starring Corinna Gillwald, Maria Rubio, Antonio Garcia and Beatriz Sancho Nieto. Originally released on VHS by Trans World Entertainment with noticeable edits during the kill scenes and available on uncut widescreen DVD from Severin Films. Not Rated. { text from critcononline.com }

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