By Jack Raiser
It is a paraphilia that is found in women, the vast majority of the time, but what about men? Hybristophilia is usually found in women due to the evolved preference of women for strong, protective men, which in its most extreme form could be mistaken for a violent or controlling man. Hybristophilia in men is so rare that a lot of people think it doesn't even exist. But believe it or not it does. The man writing these words is proof of it. Ever since I've been into true crime, I've had a thing for certain female murderers.
And I'm not talking about women who have killed in self-defense. I mean women who have killed deliberately. For either pleasure or any other similar reason. The act of killing in these women fascinated me, not in a sexual way, but awoke something that made them even more attractive if I had found them attractive in the first place. And of course, I've tried to get in contact with a couple of them in the past.
But how does it go for men in comparison to women? Not too different, actually. Just like women who are attracted to murderers who believe they could "fix" him and transform the man into a loving and caring person, a man with hybristophilia could also be delusional enough to believe he could turn this violent woman into a loving being. They may think she's "misunderstood" and that she deserves help that she did not receive prior to the crime. If this were to be the case, then it'd be a case of identifying with her creating further attraction. They could also see her as a sort of "bad girl" or "femme fatale" as well. Another cause can be low self-esteem. One may feel he's actually special or more "worthy" by being loved by a woman like this. And just like the women who pursue male murderers, the men who feel attracted to female killers would also do the best they can to get her attention. Sending mail, gifts, and, obviously, money as well.
One famous case is that of James W. Whitehouse, who married none other than Susan Atkins, one of the "Manson girls", in 1987. He went so far that he became a lawyer to help her leave jail. Whitehouse was fifteen years younger than her and had sent her a letter offering friendship and asking for life guidance due to her Christianity. Prior to this, Atkins had already received numerous letters from men who were infatuated with her.
Another one is the case of Alyssa Bustamante. The fifteen-year-old girl who murdered her neighbor, a nine-year-old child, in 2009, only to know what it felt like to kill. While she did not marry any of her "admirers", thanks to those who actually met Bustamante in jail, we've been able to hear about many cases of her receiving letters from men from all over the world claiming to be in love with her, much to Bustamante's disgust, ironically. British serial killer (or spree killer, depending on who you ask) Joanna Dennehy has also been receiving love letters in jail, along with money. Reports indicate that she takes the opportunity to manipulate such men in order to obtain more money, among other things.
Finally, we have the case of Gypsy-Rose Blanchard, who killed her abusive mother, and had two romantic relationships with two men while being locked up.
As one can already tell, hybristophilia, whether in men or women, is not healthy nor safe for the individual who chooses to approach a dangerous criminal in the hopes of achieving a romantic relationship. Sure, sometimes it can be just a fantasy and nothing more than that but for those who truly wish to fulfill this, it can be very dangerous and/or very stressful. These people are in jail for a reason. If you were to experience these feelings, then the best way to approach them is to talk to someone about them.
Talking to a psychiatrist is another idea, even if a little too much in some cases; but if one's hybristophilia were to be the cause of much inconvenience in daily life, then a psychiatrist should definitely be consulted.
It is much better to look for a relationship in the free world and without having the risk of being with a dangerous criminal who could attempt to take advantage of one or worse, hurt and one's loved ones. Imagine all the wonderful relationships you will miss just because you wanted to be with a psychopath.
Through the loneliness epidemic we're going through on a global scale, it can be tempting for certain people to look into prison inmates to write to. But, though I would personally insist on looking for companionship outside of a prison, not all inmates would be locked up for violent crimes. Stay clear of these at all costs for your safety and those around you.
Hybristophilia in men definitely deserves a more in-depth and thorough investigation, but being extremely rare I highly doubt we will get that anytime soon.
REFERENCES: -"Is Attraction to Crime a Mental Disorder?'' https://restore-mentalhealth.com/attraction-to-crime/
-"Murder, Love & Redemption" https://orangecoast.com/feature/murder-love-redemption
Editor's note: this piece ran in Serial Killer Magazine and is reproduced as written, including the author's account of his own experience, which is why it was commissioned. The cases named are checked here. Susan Atkins was convicted in 1971 of first degree murder for the Tate killings and died in prison in 2009; James Whitehouse did marry her in 1987 and did qualify as a lawyer to work on her release. Alyssa Bustamante pleaded guilty in 2012 to second degree murder for the killing of Elizabeth Olten and received life with the possibility of parole. Joanna Dennehy was convicted in 2014 of three murders and received a whole life order. Gypsy-Rose Blanchard pleaded guilty to second degree murder over the death of her mother Dee Dee Blanchard, served eight years and was released on parole in December 2023. None of the four has an entry in this archive's roster.