AUGUST 4 VHS MOVIE REVIEW : HALLOWEEN 3 : SEASON OF THE WITCH
Michael Myers was in the Bahamas getting a tan so Halloween 3 is about an Irish Halloween mask company called : Silver Shamrocks run by a nutso Irish dude named Conal Cochrane (O’Herlihy). His masks are the hottest thing, the commercial plays all the time and kids love em. What the brats don't know is that on Halloween the commercial will trigger the masks to do something real gross to them. Nosy doctor Daniel (Atkins) and dumb bimbo Ellie (Nelkin) are on the case, trying to figure out what’s going on and how to stop the evil mask maker.
What starts off on a promising foot, degenerates very fast into one of the most boring, tedious movies I have ever seen. The first five minutes pulls you in, with a man being chased by human looking androids. It’s scary and violent. But the setup is the only good thing about this film. The "Shamrock" commercial had me singing along to it at first but after hearing it a zillion times, the mute button on my remote never looked better…ANNOYING!!! Not much really happens here, the characters are boring, Cochran’s motives have to do with druids or some crud like that, the story lags and never really pays off. Let me put on my mask and sing my own song…
This film cost 2.5 million dollars. The reason it was made, was because Debra Hill and John Carpenter didn’t want another Shape entry, they wanted to take the Halloween series in the "Twilight Zone" direction, different story every film…they failed.
The voice in the commercial is the director’s Tommy Lee Wallace.
SPOILER: I would have liked the movie if everyone died in the end by "mask" infection.
UPDATED WISH LIST OF MOST WANTED VHS COVERS/VHS TAPES
1. ANY RARE OR STRANGE HORROR MOVIES: More then anything else, we are looking for weird and rare horror movies. These go to the top of the site.
2. OLD SUPER HEROE MOVIES: The old Reb Brown Captain America movies, Doctor Strange, the live action Spiderman TV show from teh 70s and any other weird or hard to find Super Heroe VHS covers. If you have them, we would love to get high res scans of them to add to VHS WASTELAND!
3. "Winnie The Pooh, To Smart For Strangers" and Other Examples of Kids Icons Talking About Inappropriate Things: This is crazy. It is a feature length film/tv show where the cast of Winnie the Pooh talk and sing about child molesters. Wikipedia says this is "a 1985 TV special (which was also released to home video), where Pooh and his friends explain to people about strangers and molestation and what to do." Again, why would they make this? It is just creepy. I would love to get a cover scan of this or, if someone wanted to really make my day and get promoted on the website for years to come, I would very much love to be sent a copy of the vhs itself to add to my collection. Other examples of this catagory include the rare Sonic The Hedgehog episode where he talks about child molesters or the Captain Planet Episode Where the team talks about Aids. I know these are important subjects to talk about with your kids but... seriously!? Who thought any of that was a good idea?
4. Anything From Something Weird Video: Campy Classroom Scare Films, weird old exploitation, anything at all. We love the strange covers on the old Something Weird Video VHS tapes. The problem is, for such a famous company, their crazy covers are almost impossible to find on the internet. If anyone has some they want to scan and submit to the site, we would be very very happy to get them.
5. Robo Vampire, Korean TRON, Turkish ET and other Foreign Rip-Offs: These poorly made, crazy rip offs of American movies are a riot. But the covers for these are almost impossible to track down. If you have any of these amazingly bad films, we would love high resolution scans of the covers. If for no other reason then to prove that they exist!
6. Crazy 80s PSAs: The 80s was notorious for pumping out one crazy public safety VHS after another. Anti-Drugs, Anti-sex, Anti-rock music. If kids wanted to do it, there was a weird PSA VHS telling them not to. We love these things and if you have any in your collection, we would love to get scans of them. As always, the stranger the better.
7. Strange Cartoons: If you have any unusual cartoon VHS (the stranger the better) we would love to add it to the site.
8. "The Devil And Max Devlin" and Other Old Live Action Disney VHS: It's not that rare and its not that weird but I love this movie and I have always wanted to add the cover to my collection. This odd little Disney movie features Bill Crosby as the devil (or at least, a devil). We are also looking for covers to "Mr Boogedy" and any other rare, strange or old Disney VHS (the kind that Disney seems to pretend they never made).
9. "Back Side to The Future" and other Rare Porn Spoofs: I love the fact that these strange oddities of porn ever existed. Edward Penis Hands, Backside To The Future, The Beavis and Butthead Porno, Beetlejism, Super Hornio Brothers, Jurassic Pork, Flintbones, Alice In Wonderland : An X-Rated Musical Comedy, Aventures érotiques de Pinocchio, Justice League XXX, The Maddams Family, Nightmare on Dyke Street, Nightmare on Porn Street, Penetrator, The Poonies, The Sex Files : le Portrait de Crystal, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Souperman, Splatman, Super Sexgirl, The Texas Dildo Masquerade, The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hyde, the rare German ET The Porno or it's strange Brazilian cousin, Keep Up The Lust ET. These rare porn rip offs are entertaining just in the fact that they where ever made and we would love to get scans (or copies) of any of them.
10. "Deception of A Generation" and Other Weird Religious Stuff: I love these things. They are so strange that it boggles the mind just to think about them. Time traveling Jesus and bizarre muppets telling kids not to touch themselves. Crazy Mormon claymation and preachers ranting about how Scooby Doo is a tool of Satan. We are always looking for things like this and the stranger, the better. Just when I think I have seen it all, I find one of these and think "wow... that's insane." And before people start sending me nasty emails for bashing religion (which oddly almost never happens) let me confess that I myself am Christian (something that most of my customers would never expect and my friends and family often give me a hard time about). But even a good Christian has to be amused by the some of the off the wall, pure insanity that comes form a lot of these wonderfully odd VHS treasures.
11. "How To Score More Points on Nintendo Games" and Other Old Video Game VHS tapes: Back in the stone age of video games, companies created a ton of these how to style VHS tapes for various game systems. Some other titles we are looking for include: Anything from the "Game Player's GameTape for Nintendo" series and anythign video game related. The older and stranger, the better!
12. "Why Charlie Brown Why?" and Other Cartoons That Should Never Have Been Made: This is the very rare vhs where Charlie Browns friend gets cancer. The description on the case says "a classmate's serious illness becomes a lesson in life for the Peanuts kids". It is very very sad and the whole time you are watching it, all you can think is, why did they make this? If you haev this or any other cartoon/TV show that makes you say "what is wrong with these people?" we would love to add them to the site.
13. Weird Exorcize VHS: If you have any crazy exorcize VHS, we would love to add it to the site.
14. Any Old WWF VHS Covers: They're cheesy and fake and represent the lowest form of entertainment in sports, but I still love old 80s WWF. If you have any VHS covers for the old time Wrestlemania, Royal Rumble or other WWF videos, we would love to add them to the site.
15. Any "Shot On Shiteo" films that The Cinema Snob has reviewed: Brad Jones is a great guy and a good friend of the site. He has reviewed some insane Shot on Video horror movies and we want the covers. Stuff like "Wood Chipper Massacre" and "Las Vegas Bloodbath." If you have a copy, we want a scan of the cover!
Well, that's about it for now. We will be adding a ton more to this list as time goes on so check back often. Now... if anyone is interested in joining our team and contributing something from this list (or any rare or strange VHS cover to our site) read on for more details. Thanks for taking the time to read my mad rants and enjoy the site.
PS: Wouldn't you enjoy the site a lot more if you where part of it? Sure you would. Contact James at firstname.lastname@example.org to join our ever growing team!